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Developing Self-Confidence (by G F Orr)

Feeling a sense of reliance of ones power in a given circumstance, this definition of confidence is one which many will aspire to. Confidence and indeed self-confidence is viewed as something which gives us the ability to control our lives, and enjoy the things that are happening around us. People who lack confidence often need the re-assurance of others of both their worth and that they are doing the right thing. In other words self-belief and self-confidence are very closely tied together.

Self-belief is your view of yourself and the impact you have on yourself and the wider world. The greater your self-belief is, the easier that you will find it to be confident both in the relationships that you have and the things that you do.

Of course many people wish to be confident, perhaps to feel less anxious in situations when meeting people or perhaps in talking in front of people or perhaps just as they navigate their lives. Yet most of us would admit to being less than confident in at least some aspects of out lives. For some this lack of confidence can lead to behaviours where the quality of their lives is seriously impacted. Perhaps being afraid to go out, or stopping an interest for fear of the judgement of others.

When we think about a lack of confidence, it is rarely about whether we can do something or not. Usually we know what we are to do and often have practised it. The problem is much more to do with the opinion of others or society and if they will judge it. This focusing on influencing others opinions is where the lack of confidence is. If we were to believe that only our opinion mattered and others could take it or leave it, we would be more confident. However, that is unrealistic, yet perhaps it is a starting point that if we set ourselves realistic goals about what is success for us then perhaps we can have more confidence that we can achieve it. For example if your goal was to present a subject to a room of 50 people to get universal agreement, you would not be confident. Yet if your goal was to present the subject to 50 people so that they could understand it, you could be confident of that at least. The first relies on others the second on you.

Developing this theme further we can see that there are ways in which we can improve our confidence. Small things like wearing clothes that make us comfortable and ready to face the world, smiling at others. There are other behaviours that take a little longer but improve our confidence, you should avoid or challenge catastrophic thinking. For example, “If I go to the party it’s always a complete disaster.” This black and white thinking is rarely correct, usually it is somewhere between, some things were great and others could have been better and being more realistic about the situation can help to make us more confident going into a situation.

Questioning statements like “I am unattractive”, or “I am so stupid” helps to keep us realistic and prevent our self-belief and therefore confidence being undermined.

Hopefully as you pull these threads together you will become be realistic about the real you. What you think and what you feel. As you become more confident about that it becomes easier to share that with others because you believe in yourself. Ultimately you can use that confidence to strip away the layers that you have built up over the years to appeal to others and let them see the real you with both your weaknesses and strengths, confident that you can tackle anything.

Graeme is a counsellor, writer and coach living and working in Glasgow, Scotland

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Developing-Self-Confidence&id=7458233] Developing Self-Confidence

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Self Confidence and Self Esteem Building Guide

There aren’t many things that are more important to your well-being than your self-esteem. I describe self-esteem as the reputation your consciousness has with itself: whether you think you are worthy of happiness or not depends on your self-esteem—it dictates how much you value yourself and your life.

For you, as an individual, there is nothing more important than valuing yourself and your life. Everything depends on it. The happiness of your family depends on it. It determines how you will interact with your environment, and whether or not that interaction is going to be mostly positive or mostly negative.

Here are three things you can start doing today to increase your self confidence. These are’t quick fixes; they will work, but it’s going to take a little time. It’s worth sticking it out to the end because when they do work, the changes in your mindset and your self-esteem will stay with you for life.

Get to Know Yourself

Who are you? What motivates you? What saddens you? Why are you driven by one thing but not another thing? Why do you feel upset in one situation and not in another situation? What are your values and beliefs? Where did they come from?

This introspection is going to be exhausting at first, but once you make it a habit to question every emotion that you have and validate it, you’ll begin to see a pattern. This pattern will be a map to the source of any negative emotions.

Once you find the source, kill it and have no mercy. It has no business bringing you down. It’s important to be hard on the gremlins that want to destroy you, but you also need to have compassion for yourself. Never talk down to yourself or abuse yourself. Repeat this process until you know yourself inside and out; until you understand everything you feel and why you feel it.

Then repeat it again until you understand everything you do and why you do it.

When you discover something poisonous, you have to get rid of it. It takes a while to eliminate a behavior/thought/habit you’ve had for a long time, but it’s not impossible, and doing so is essential to the quality of your life and the lives of those around you.

Put Yourself First, Always

I know that this sounds counter-intuitive to everything you’ve been taught about being a good person, but I promise you that if you want to build your self-esteem and keep it for the rest of your life, then the first thing you have to do is put yourself first. Before everything.

When you put yourself first you acknowledge that you’re worth it. Whatever “it” is.

For example, if someone asked you to watch their cat for a weekend, and you hate cats, then you should say no. If the benefit you are going to get out of watching the cat (seeing your friend happy/feeling good about doing a good deed) is not going to outweigh the problems that it’s going to bring you (you hate cats with a fiery passion) then don’t do it. Take care of yourself first.

On the other hand, if this person is your daughter and making her happy outweighs the agony of the cat’s presence in your house, then do it.

Do what makes you feel the best without hurting anyone else. Don’t let anyone call you selfish—they cannot expect you to sacrifice yourself for them. Asking you to do so means they are telling you that they are worth more than you are, and that will bring down your self confidence.

The most confident people in the world take care of themselves first. After they’ve done a good job with that, then they start to give.Happy people give naturally. Don’t underestimate the greatness that is the human being—we are inherently good; you are inherently good.

Don’t accept undeserved guilt.

One of the worst things that you can do for your self-esteem is to accept guilt for something when you did nothing to deserve it.

Let’s take the example from above. Say you told your daughter that you would absolutely not watch her cat, because her cat scratches you, pees in your air ducts, and smells like a garbage can. You hate it and you just won’t do it. Don’t let her make you feel guilty for not wanting to do it, even if she says, “But you’re my mom! Who else am I going to go to but my mom! You’re supposed to be there for me!”

Being there for her does not include allowing yourself to suffer because she wants to go away for a weekend. Put the dang cat in a kennel and be done with it! Your daughter isn’t going to die or suffer any major injury. Put your foot down and make her respect your limits and boundaries—you’re not a doormat.

Bottom Line

It all boils down to how well you know yourself and how well you treat yourself. As I said earlier, your self-esteem is the reputation you have with your inner self. Make sure that reputation is good by taking care of it and treating it with respect. Never put it on the backburner, never make it feel bad for no reason, and make an effort to get to know it.

If you do those three things consistently, your reputation will skyrocket.

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7 Tips on How to Gain Self Confidence

7 Tips on How to Gain Self Confidence
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Christopher_M_Stigson]Christopher M Stigson

There are no secrets in this world. There are only things we do no know at this point in time. And when you DO know it, it’s not a secret anymore. This leads me to tell you that there is only one way to truly gain self confidence. This is by a process. You must realize that gaining confidence has almost never happened overnight. Of course there are always exceptions to everything in this world. Learning how to gain self confidence is a process and I want to tell you 7 really great tips on how to gain self confidence.

Tip #1: Don’t care what other people think. I know you may think “How am I supposed to do that?”. Well the fact is that you can’t change what anybody else thinks. Imagine you are at a public gathering and you have really low self confidence at that point in time. You come home and you feel really bad because you thought you where judged by other people. Your best friend James, thought the same thing when he came home. Judith thought exactly the same thing. The point is, people care more about themselves than they care about you. So inevitably don’t care what other people think of you. You are not put on this planet to please all. It’s OK to fail, it’s OK to be different, it’s OK to do what you feel is right for you!

Tip #2: Allow being judged. This is something that can be really hard, but guess what. In order to boost self confidence to great heights, you must be able to do things your way and be OK with other people disliking what you do. Again, almost everybody in the world judges people, I judge people for sure. If somebody tells me that I am something negative that I know I am. Let’s say ugly, or fat… I can simply laugh it off and say, “So what, I can’t change my genes and this is the way I am, do you have something else you want to judge me by, please get it off your chest?”. See there is nothing a person can say to you that you can’t counter in one way or another.

Tip #3: Have really strong beliefs. The two tips above come down to one thing and that is having a strong self belief and solid ground in your confidence. There are many exercises you can take in order to really learn how to gain self confidence. You must get your beliefs in order first, otherwise you will always have a doubt in your mind somewhere. People are experts at destroying their own beliefs by having negative thoughts. STOP negative thoughts now.

Tip #4: Writing your goals down on paper. People who fail will write their goals down once, look at them, put pen and paper down and then forget about it. People who have learnt how to gain self confidence proceed with their goals and never ever quit. I know this may sound harsh right now, but quitters remain quitters until they believe they can be winners. Be a winner.

Tip #5: Be a winner. Even if you lose at one point in time be a winner. Even if somebody totally humiliates you, you are a winner. Why? Simply because everybody is a winner. Everybody is good at something. The reason you have low self confidence is because you have been programmed to believe something that isn’t true… at all. Maybe people around you have told you that you are worthless or too stupid to do something. Guess what, you are not, you are a winner. You are a winner because you know that if you set your mind to do something you will obtain this goal. You have done it before, every single time. You just don’t know it.

Tip #6: Have extreme determination and faith. Know that if you have set your mind to do something you will obtain it. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day. Maybe not in 1 week or even 1 year. Learning how to gain self confidence    takes time. Some people get over these negative thoughts and gain amazing self confidence in only 10 days. For some people the programming has taken much harder and it takes them 2 months. Maybe you are so deep into it that it takes 5 years? Even if it takes 5 years, when that day comes and you know when you are there, you will feel that 5 years was worth it.

Tip #7: Patience. Learning how to gain self confidence is like fishing with a fishing rod, in a way. Let me explain. have you ever tried to fish with a fishing rod and you see something happen. You reel in to see if something happened. You find the fish has broke lose. You get pissed and throw it back in the water. This happens 5-10 times before you catch anything. In the mean time your friend is pulling up the fish every single time and he is laughing of joy. He is patient… he knows that when the fish bites, it takes a little bit of time before the hook is 100% attached. The point here is that, if something doesn’t work for you, throw the rod back in and try again. When you want to give up the most, you know you are the closest!

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?7-Tips-on-How-to-Gain-Self-Confidence&id=678417] 7 Tips on How to Gain Self Confidence

Building Self-Confidence

Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Demi_Holdstock]Demi Holdstock

What is Self Esteem – Its how you see yourself, how much you think you are worth, how important you think you are to yourself and others around you. What you should be thinking is you are worth the good things in life and deserve them and happiness. That you also are capable of handling situations that arise daily and you can face whatever challenges life throws at you. If life’s not like this then read on.

If you feel your not sure whether you can complete certain tasks, and you tend to shy away from crowds and even friends due to uncertainties about yourself, or your to busy thinking what they will think about you and what actions they may take then listen up.

Building Self Esteem is all about having confidence, the more the better.

Self esteem plays an important role on who we are and how we carry ourselves – it can have a major impact on our social standing, our job performance, and our relationships. Our attitude towards ourselves determines health happiness and performance in every part of our life

Being more positive is an everyday challenge, just standing in front of the mirror and saying “I am more positive” time and time again wont work. you see deep inside our minds at subconscious level. You mind will say “Who are you kidding” “You’re a quivering wreck” “You’re shaking like a leaf” BASICALLY the subconscious wont believe you!! But if we was to say ” I am getting more positive everyday” now this could be believed, the mind can work with this. You can believe it yourself. You can keep working on this until its fully embedded in our minds.

Find some affirmations, like: I am loving myself more everyday, I am becoming more and more successful everyday. Look up Google there’s a million quotes but change them to be believable to your mind.

Where are you confident? Everybody is confident somewhere in their life, even if it making a cup of tea. Popping to Tesco`s for shopping, helping an old lady cross the road. You can do something well, now expand on this, let this confidence grow. 1 small step each day is all that is required. Imagine in 100 days of small daily steps, what difference could you see in yourself.

Start looking for an answer or opinions yourself. Ask you first what do you want? What do you think? Imagine 100 decisions later. You could be the new decision maker for the future.

Trust in your ability to take decisions even important ones, if you never done this before don’t worry, if the decision is wrong its learning it’s the 1st step. There’s no way around it, so what! Everyone been there or going to be there. Any failures are learning steps not failures next time you will be better, stronger, next time wiser there are no mistakes only lessons. Give it a try become more positive, and have a happier life.

Listen yourself and others good communication is vital everyday life.

Listen to you. Nobody knows you better or your mind. Listen to your body, your gut. Listen to your inner intuition take confidence from what your body tells you. Start to take notice NOW. Forget other peoples opinions for now listen to YOU. Talk to you, take time out have a break tell yourself how lucky you are, praise all good things and achievements and positives that you have. What your feeling on the inside is what’s showing on the outside.

Be kind to yourself watch your tone give yourself respect! How do you expect anyone else to, if you don’t give respect to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would like to be spoken to. Give yourself a break don’t be to hard, that little voice is your friend your buddy trying to help you be kind to YOU. The way you treat yourself sets the standards of how others will treat you.

Acceptance you for how you are, with flaws and faults, you can’t fight it, its you. You got to love YOU – congratulate yourself everyday, give a self-hug. If you don’t love yourself how do you expect others to? So come on every morning and evening anytime we can lets do this.

Look in mirror give the biggest smile, flash the best look you can give. Keep telling yourself how your improving (keep it realistic) Your looking better each day, keep telling the self until you really belief it will reflect on outside. A new you.

Do things that make you feel good, some music, go for a nature walk, a hot bubbly bath, anything that gives a positive feeling, giving increased positive energy for more reflection on the outside.

Time to get rid of negative things and people, anything that drags you down dump it now. Get rid of friends that are negative, get rid clutter, negative reminders. Remove all this negativity from your environment be in a positive environment with positive people around you. Be surrounded with positivity, let it bring out good feelings, start being a happy person.

Being aware of you, stand tall, look like you mean business, look like your going somewhere important, walk faster your on a mission. Dress smarter, the better you feel the better you reflect to others.

Praise others encourage others, when you give positivity out you get it back. Positive attracts positive. If others get better you will to. Just take 1 day at a time 1 step at a time. Think what will I be like from 1 year from now? Take a risk. Take 1 dare a day

You have the capability – what if I can’t do it outlook, don’t get negative before starting. Start to learn by doing, preparation is good but to much, and you start to doubt your skills and capabilities. Think less just do it, think I have skills I am stronger I can do it, I am a person of value and am deciding to have the courage today.

One challenge if you are in a situation like going to meet some friends maybe at restaurant or job interview and you are nervous or worrying, have some fear even dreading, and thinking what will theses people think of me, will they like me, am I dressed OK all theses are dis-empowering thoughts, this is the affect what others think of us. It’s small thinking not big.

Lets change, might want to it to thinking how can I be of service here? Or how can I spread my good nature my kind thoughts even my love in this place, how can I get into the flow? Can you feel the difference in energy it’s shifted in our body from negative to positive thoughts, already you can feel more confident more positive more happier, give it a try even if it’s a trip to the local store. For more help visit:

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Building-Self-Esteem&id=6509321] Building Self-Esteem